So in the last post I shared a story about a new church I tried where everyone was speaking in tongues, and how I tried, but I failed. Well, I tried again lol on the way to my casting! It was just me and my earthly father in the car and he had left me alone for a short while when picking up something at the vet for our dogs. During this short while I remembered Kelly telling me that I should practice speaking in tongues. I had decided to attempt it right there at that moment while I had some alone time. I thought, well if this really is a secret way of talking to God, a language the devil cannot interpret, then I want to be apart of this. After all it is mentioned in the Bible?
"In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well."
(Mark 16: 17-18)
So I closed my eyes, raised my hand in the air and started. So I tried speaking in tongues just saying whatever flowed out of my mouth and I started feeling different, it's so hard to explain, but I felt something inside me happen and a presence. The same light-headed feeling I got at the church was back, and for a split second I was on my way to a smile and maybe even a giggle, just because it was such a different feeling, but then I started feeling light-headed in a bad way. At this moment my father got back into the car and I kept silent, but I was panicking inside. I thought "Oh no, did I just do something I thought was right but is actually wrong in God's eyes?"
There was a bit of a battle taking place in my mind. "What if speaking in tongues is actually evil and I was deceived? Oh dear God, please forgive me if what I did was evil." "No wait I could just be getting attacked because I'm now seen as a threat being able to speak in tongues?" this went on the whole trip towards town. I felt like I was being attacked, spiritually. I mean, how do you fight against something you can't see? Answer? You pray! Prayer is said in the material/physical world, but it works in the spiritual realm. At this point my heart was pounding, My chest was tight, my mind was consumed with paranoid thoughts, I felt like I was going to die on the spot. I pulled my seat back to lay down. I started searching for a prayer against evil on my phone and came across a brilliantly long one. While I was trying to read it and feel it, my dad starts asking me questions lol and in my mind I'm just like, dad this is just really not the time lol but I was responding bluntly, all in all I was trying to remain as calm as possible so that he didn't worry. "Penny for your thoughts?" he asked again. I completely ignored that question. "Are you okay?" "Are you tired?" "Yes, I'm just tired." (easiest way to hide any emotional struggle - say you're tired) matter resolved. I didn't get to finish the prayer in the car, but I started feeling better when I said that I am protected by the blood of Jesus Christ and that no weapon formed against me will prosper, but when I arrived inside the building of my casting I felt it again. I thought "Great, model dies at casting..."
When I reached the floor of Glamour Magazine I kept calm tried to smile while saying hi to Michelle and Kelly (Testimony 9) who were also casting and went straight to the bathroom to pray. I finished that whole prayer and felt a million times better after, like something had just been lifted off of me. I also messaged someone I really trust to pray for me and just like that, it was gone, I was back to my happy self, but one thing was on my mind. "I am done modelling, this is it, I can't live a double life, wanting to live my entire life for God and then I have to go to these castings and shoots in between. I just want a clean life." Now, I had been wanting to quit for a long time, and finally did it with my previous agency. Then I was approached by another and I took it as a sign that there was a reason I had to continue. I thought more people would listen to me if I were a model, and maybe I'm right, but at that point I said this is enough, I'm done forever now. The few minutes it lasted felt liberating lol I was feeling so confident about my choice that I told the client with a smile on my face "This is my last casting," she asked me "Oh really, why?" I thought for a second and responded "I guess you could say, because of God." then I left like a boss lol after the casting was done of course.
When I got back into the car I told my father the same thing "this was my last casting, I'm done modelling." "What happened did they say something?" he asked. I explained what had happened to me in the car while he was gone and he gave me some really good advice. "You know what, I knew something was wrong I know my daughter. This is what I was worried about, you getting attacked by evil, because you wanna do such good things and you so extreme. But Sydney, regarding your career you are meant to be a model God wouldn't have made you beautiful if you weren't, there's a reason God made you the way you are, God gave you gifts and you must use your gifts." I interrupted him saying I don't enjoy it anymore like I used to, and that it went against everything I believed in, beauty is not a face it's a soul. When you look at it in the larger picture, the modelling industry is spreading to the whole world that your image is everything. We models advertise make-up, hair products, skin products, fashion, jewellery, and we create this image that every other girl in the world thinks they can be - when really the models don't even look like the images in the magazine.
In the Bible it says we should not make ourselves beautiful with outer aids, God favours a beautiful soul: "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewellery or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauy of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." - (1 Peter 3:3-4)
"I want to sing gospel music and be a writer" "Okay well there, then be a singer and a writer you have many gifts, but I don't want to tell you the wrong thing, I suggest that you rather ask God what the best choice career would be for you. Then you make your decision." My dad had then reminded me about the most important thing, what about letting God's will be done? I need to flow with God's plan for me, not my own plan. I might be thinking that quitting modelling is what He wants, but what if it;s apart of His plan? I agreed to ask God.The whole way back home I was just thanking God for getting me out of that dark place, saving me, protecting me, caring about me. My eyes were tearing slightly as I was overwhelmed with thanksgiving! What a wonderful, powerful almighty God!!!!
When I got home I held the Bible in my hands and said "Father God, I know this book has all the answers. Show me a sign that I should either stop modelling or continue. I don't want to model anymore, I don't enjoy it. But if you want me to continue for some reason, I will do it for you. Let your will be done." The Bible separated at two places. I put my hand between the first section it separated and opened the other first, just to be safe. It was about something that didn't relate to career, so I paged back to the first section and read (Psalms 105)
"tell the nations what he has done.
Sing praise to the Lord,
Tell of the wonderful things he has done."
I took this as a sign that I should be singing about God and writing about God, I opened at another random section and it read "Leave your family and country and go where I will show you." let's see where this journey is heading :) I'd just like to once again, thank God for what He did for me today. God is my life and words can't do enough here.... I am so glad that THE ALMIGHTY GOD, who has authority over everything loves and protects me! He really loves us a lot!
Glory be to God
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